Take this teen sciene fair questionarre. Try not to be a smart ass, like myself.

A friends teen daughter sent me a questionnaire for her science report.  I actually thought it was interesting!  If you want to help her out you can send it to me and I will forward it to her.  (keenjoy@gmail.com) I won't read it because....I don't care.  But I attached MY answers to be transparent.

Gender: Carebear...what? FINE a FEMALE Carebear.

Age: 36 (31-42)

BMI:  um....high?  I honestly do not know, I don't really worry about my BMI or weight, bigger fish to fry....

Real Weight:   201 lbs as of 2 weeks ago.

Instructions: This test must stay anonymous so please do not write your name anywhere. Fill out each question honestly please. Also for the bubbled Questions please change your answer into a different color than black. Good Luck!  Wait, there were bubbles?  Why didn't I get BUBBLES!?

1. When you eat does it make you happy?  a) Yes, if it isn't tasteless or burnt to shit.


2. Do you eat more when you are happy or sad?
Neither, I eat when I am hungry.

3. Do you ever feel sad after you eat?
b) No


4. Are you scared to gain weigh? Yes, because my mother weighs close to 700 pounds.  Morbid obesity frightens me.

5. Does stress make you eat more? no, not more just different foods.

6. Are you worried about your weight all the time? Not all the time.

7. Do your family/Friends affect your eating habits? Yes, they tend to watch what I eat and always question "Why are you big when you don't eat bad?"

8. When you were a child, were you ever made fun of because of how you look? ALWAYS, kids are dicks.  I wish I had been able to see myself now and enjoy my body as it was, instead of trying to make it into something else.  I was so damn cute, I am still cute, but when I was a kid whoo doggie!

9. Please describe your daily diet.
AM:  1/2 bagel with cream cheese or 1 cup of cereal or 1 cup almond milk/almond milk with protein powder and coffee, depends...Today I had 1 cup sliced potatoes fried with 3 pieces of paper thin pancetta.
Early noon: Yogurt/Apple/small slice of cheese...depends.  Today I had sliced green peppers with ranch dressing.
Noon: Small leftovers (usually about a cup of food, hot tea, water) Today was spaghetti.
Dinner: 1 cup various produce, 1 cup salad/other vegetables, 1 cup whatever else I want (tonight it was ice cream)
PM snack with meds: piece of toast, 2 graham crackers, a small apple, a small yogurt, depends...

10. Do you do any type of dieting? Not really... If anything I just do small portions of whatever I want.

11. Are you apart of the online group called ‘Weight watchers’? If you are does it help you?  Hell no, I grew up going to those with my mother and having them all tell me "Now you mustn't even get fat like her!"

12. How would you describe your relationship with food? I love food.  I love cooking it, I like trying new things, I don't waste my time eating crap (unless it is HEAVENLY crap like Girl Scout Cookies). And I don't believe in restriction what you eat, just HOW much and trying to keep in mind moderation and balance.

13. Are you in a functional relationship currently?
a) Yes, wait...define "functional"...yes.

14. Have you ever lost a loved one? Several  Do you think this is a reason for your eating habits? Nope.  I don't eat when I am stressed. I eat to live.

15. Do you have any health problems because of your eating problems? Nope. blood pressure perfect, cholesterol perfect, blood sugar perfect...

16. Does eating ever make you have Hateful thoughts towards yourself? EATING does not, but seeing thin people eating massive amounts of food or saying "I survive on sunlight and lemons"  THOSE make me feel angry.  Pictures though, sometimes I will see pictures of myself and think "Ugh just go on a water diet"

17. D you often do outside activity? I have a dog, we call it "potty"

18. Do you watch a lot of television or admire models? I watch a lot of Drag Race.. and wish I looked like RuPaul...

19. Have you ever wished to look like someone other than yourself? See above.

20. Last question! If you could no longer access your favorite/Luxury food what would you do?  There are starving people in Zimbabwaye, I'd suck it up and feel lucky I was not living in a zombie filled apocalypse world.