Saturday, October 25, 2008

Voluntary Amputation...Cringeworthy reading

So I was reading an article for a friend of mine on Dermal Anchors. I suddenly got a link at the bottom discussing "Voluntary Amputations"

I read through most of the story of a man and woman lopping off the tips of their fingers with distracted interest. As someone with a spinal cord disease that causes chronic pain and weakness and someone who heals pretty well I could maybe understand being fascinated with pain and stubiness.

I thought "Good for them for being able to commit and I wish they could have just gotten it done professionally"

Then the involuntary disabled part of me rallied. I have a disability and physical impairment that I would never wish on anyone. I am fighting tooth and nail to get help with bills and living in a freezing apartment because I can't hold down a job and people are purposefully and gleefully lopping off appendages and rendering themselves "amuptees" and getting amputee benefits ON PURPOSE.

I gotta say when I thought transversly on this subject of large scale amputation and the risks of infection, death, lengthy hospital stays all covered by disability and or public welfare because they were deemed an "Accident" Meanwhile I go into the hospital for projectile vomiting and I get nurses telling me if I just toughened up and got a job, while fawning over the idiot next door who cut his foot off trying to de-bone a deer.

Gotta say, I am glad your not dead and you got health care, granted I saw an article about a couple biting off each other ring fingers and almost hurled. That is devotion or crazy.

But while people like me with tattoos and stretched ear lobes are being told we are lazy for a disability that is completely inflicted and merciless...while people dote on the voluntary or semi-voluntary has to look at the situation and think. Is this fair?

personally, I love my fingers where they are and I don't ever plan on lopping off appendages of putting my body in danger of being purposefully mutilated beyond recognition, but if thats what gets yo off, have some responsibility and save up your pennies if you plan to do things in which you may maul yourself.

Even if the nurses are a lot nicer to the bleeding idiot than the permanently disabled girl next door.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

not such an a-hole

My sister's ex husband bought me a tattoo.

To go on my botanical sleeves in progress.

Here is my pretty:

shiny and sore

and another

my new Pretty

Its shiny and sore.

Next lilac, primrose, marigold!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

its 3:00AM and I am AWAKE.


Ever since going off topamax and cymbalta everyday is a migraine, and back and hand and feet and joint pain.

Or sometimes I am lucky and its just everything but the migraine.

I went to the clinic because I thought I had food poisoning...turns out I have a duodenal ulcer. I couldn't even tell you what or where my duodenum is.

But apparently no medications makes KJ's body start eating itself.

Not having a job helps. If I was on medication I could at least start classes. Get my pre-requisites for my masters done while I am gainfully unemployed.

On a completely awesome and different note Darius and Sean's StepMonster KC bought me a tattoo at Rising Phoenix on Tuesday!

I am getting a geranium. For my nana (again) and also to work with my botanical sleeves.

Next up Left arm: Marigolds Under the geranium and Right arm: Violets under the peony (already there).

My tattoo artist has been giving me SUPER discounts because I am so still and make him laugh. Plus I draw my own work and he really thinks that is awesome because I am not an artist and I save him time.

I also give Kevin total artistic license because I KNOW he will not give me a shoddy tat. His place is brand new, super clean, friendly, and has won so many awards nationally and regionally they can't even place them all on one wall.

Word to the wise, never EVER skimp on ink, go big or don't get a tattoo.

I walked in today to see how Kevin was doing and talked to him for a while and saw his new baby who is named Darius after my nephew! His middle name is Daniel because Darius put Daniel in the lions den, We love irony. My nephews' middle name is Alexander because King Darius and Alexander the Great were at war.

Bibliodork anyone?

I am going to try to take a benadryll in hopes it will make me sleepy.

Stupid body, won't let me sleep, thinks its so tough...BOSSY.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Back from the dead

Hey, sorry guys. Lets see. Music...

How about classics that no one listens to enough?

Chaka Khan's "Epiphany"

Never miss the water, Everywhere, and Ain't Nobody?

Classics from the city boogie of yester year

Or my new gem "Breakin' Electric Bugaloo"

Classic inner city techno/rap that reminds us of being 10 years old and worshipping at the altar of techno-tronic.

Truly if you have never heard either, plug in and become classified as "broad"

Lets see. On the other end of the spectrum?

O Brother Where Art Thou- Movie Soundtrack

reminds me of sitting with my family with guitars and hand claps and breaking out the Appalachian bible hymns. You can take the girl out of the woods...

Sad note: I know ALL the harmonies to these songs. And can play them on piano and guitar and *gulp* ukulele.

Indeed, I even was burningly jealous of a friend who got to go to Dollywood without me.

Go out and get copies, expand your horizons!

Next week?

Micheal Jackson's History and other pop star classics before he was white.


Monday, October 13, 2008

Clean sweep.

I feel pretty good today! I am not as nausous, my head doesn't hurt as much as it has, and I managed to get over my severe leg pain by taking a supremely hot bath with "Instant Ocean" poured in.

I scented the water with my Patchouli geranium blend or "Hippy oil" as Crash calls it so my skin is lightly scented.

I managed to clean the house yesterday (which is why I am so tired!) and so today we have an elderly couple coming to see the kittens and hopefully adopt two of them.

Then as soon as they are fixed we will get them to their new home.

I have to go lock Kane up, he is not good around strangers.

I was thinking how nice it would be to get to Ely this month as I have so much time off being unemployed.

OK. kittens are destroying their clean cage... time to separate the mad wee ones.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Song for the day

This is still one of my favorite songs. Rufus Wainright and Jason Wade (of Lifehouse) are two artists worth checking out.

This song reminds me of my Christianity class in college. I had a professor Named Father Cotter. He was one of the nicest and most educated and intelligent teachers I had in College.

I recently was fortunate enough to correspond with him via e-mail and he gave me some writing ideas to pitch to WRVO (National Public Radio)

He and I have a fellow love of humorist David Sedaris and the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

He actually told me he missed my records that I used to mail him and mixed cd's.

I informed him it is terribly difficult to make cd's for a man of the clothe. It is a heart wrenching process because I am so afraid I will offend him.

He then informed me that he was really into old Stone Temple Pilots and Beatles "Rubber Soul" during his sabbatical in Italy (where no doubt he was honing yet ANOTHER language or talent, the man is fluent in 14 languages)

Needless to say after this information I was less hesitant to send him some of my favorite bands.

So without further ado: My Father Cotter CD list

Beside the black water- Modest Mouse
When you gonna learn- Jamiraqui
Useless Beauty- David Bowie
Shameless- Ani DiFranco
Rubber Soul- entire cd BEATLES
Bill Bailey-Aretha Franklin
Solidify- Sheryl Crow
There goes the neighborhood-Sheryl Crow
Hyperspace- Nada Surf
Fruit FLies- Nada Surf
They make beer commercials like this- entire cd- Minus the bear (menos el mato)
Grey GHost- Mike DOughty
Tremendous Brunettes- Mike DOughty/Dave Matthews
You and me- Lifehouse
Love of a child-Jason Mraz
Song for the Dumped- Ben Folds
Brick-Ben Folds Five
Jockey full of bourbon-Full Frontal Folk
Down and out- unplugged-Eric Clapton
Cream- Prince
Musicology- Prince
Ambulence LTD- self titled Entire CD
Bittersweet- Big Head Todd
Casimir Pulaski- Sufjan Stevens
The Black Light-Calexico
Back to black- Amy WInehouse
LDN- Lily Allen
Cochise- Audio Slave
Einstein on the Beach-Counting Crows
All my life-Foo Fighters
The Gambler-Kenny Rogers
September- Earth Wind and Fire
Frequency-Dead Prez

That is just the first installation. Crash and I discovered we have over 5,000 cd's and 200 plus vinyl records including Folsom Prison by Johnny Cash

We want to get them burned to our computers and discs so we can enjoy them in the car.

I recommend that if you have not heard of the songs or artists above to check them out. Pirate bay dot org is a free music sharing service and I highly recommend them to upload and download songs.

And if you really love an artist travel to see them live. I will never forget "Big Head Todd" or "Ani DiFranco" or "Nada Surf" live in concert. Writing music reviews for a small city rag for a friend who is too busy to cover all the concerts has perks!

So if there is one way to relax, unwind and learn about your fellow man it is through music exploration.

Keep the cd's and requests for reviews coming.


Friday, October 10, 2008

The life and times of Mike Doughty

I have followed him and now gotten more in to him because of a friend of mine sending me some new music.

He has gone from THIS

To this:

See how life and knowledge simplifies and calms us?

I think his music is more depth and interesting than when he was a Soul Coughing Front man.

My fiance and I decided "The Only Answer" had to play at our wedding because it felt so right (with our zombie topped vegan wedding cake!)

So I felt the need to once again profess my deep love for his musical growth and the profound effect it has helped my mood during bad times.

Super Bon Bon and all.


Monday, October 06, 2008

Fear and loathing

So its 6AM and I am so nausous and sore I can't sleep.

So I was watching TV on my computer and cleaning and found this:

Jeci and I were actually scared by this because we have both been anorexic at times.

I was scared this week because the nausea and pain has become so bad I found myself eating less than 900 calories a day. Not because I am not hungry I love me some food!

But because the nausea and stomach pain when I eat is terrible.

I hate it because I can't walk my doggie, I can't clean my house, and I can't work!

I don't want to lose a lot of weight. In fact, I don't think I need to lose ANY weight...maybe 15 pounds. But in the last week I dropped 8 in 4 days.

Jeci forced a scale into the house and we are both scared to have it here having both had food issues and been anorexic together.

But the doctor said he needed to know how much weight I was losing. Tomorrow (today) I have a complete blood panel scheduled and stool sample (done!) and urinalysis to make sure my body is digesting food right.

My doc thinks I may have ulcers. I would welcome something that innocuous because it would be easy to treat, one nexium once a day right?

I miss being there for my family, I am not accustomed to being a "stay in bed Auntie and doggie mama"

I hope they figure out what is going on so I can enjoy some coconut noodles and Jamaican food at the festival next weekend!!!

I've even started letting myself have cheese and some fish. But it isn't helping and I can't stomach pasta.

This stupid illness is really pissing me off.

I am going to go let my doggie out and try to go for a walk so I don't wake Crash up. We can go get bagels and bring them home for daddy.

THe one great thing about Kane is that he is SO GOOD for me. He knows I am not as fast as Daddy. He never pulls he helps me up if I trip and fall and walks slow enough for me to keep up.

Daddy Crash and I even taught him how to open the door and get Jeci if I don't respond to him. He is SO SMART I am so lucky to have had someone drop him in our yard. He's my therapy mammal.

Speaking of which off to get bagels and go poops and peeps.


Sunday, October 05, 2008


OK... Lady says that Death, Divorce, and sex made her addicted to Heroin, alchohol, and a prostitute.

In that logic I should be a Grand Dame of a bath house, crippled with vices, and the biggest whore in the eastern hemisphere.

YET. I am a college educated,yes disabled (not by my bad choices, because fate is an evil biotch)getting married, and not an alcoholic or a drug user (despite having an alcoholic, now sober, as a mother).

Hrm....Kristen, I think thou doth protest too much, get your whining azz to rehab.

ESPECIALLY because you have a kid?!

I would be a terrible drug counselor. I see it now "Quit making excuses and get your ass to rehab!"

I hate people.