Friday, March 07, 2014

Happy Spouse Happy House?

So much stress when making a huge decision like buying a new car.  I have been researching and looking at cars to replace our Jeep.  We have a down payment of 3,000 bucks and a trade in valued at 1200 bucks.  We found a 2010 Toyota Yaris for 10,000 (incl tax title, license, registration, and extended warranty which includes yearly detailing, monthly car washes and low cost oil changes.  Chris is upset about it costing 200 a month but I am taking on another job to make an extra 300 a month to cover car and insurance premiums.  Also since it is summer I have the chance to make some bank doing coverage for people who want to go on vacation.

I wanted to touch on the whole stressed spouse issue.  We all deal with stress differently.  I grew up in a house where I was constantly the one having to be an adult whenever my Grandmother had to work (which was a LOT)  my mother was like the older sister, my brother was chronically in trouble and the rest of our family lived far away.  Thus, if we wanted dinner, I cooked, bills had to be paid? I made it happen.  I have bee working some form of a job since I was 12 babysitting every weekend, Nanny jobs every summer, farm and ranch jobs every vacation, and part time working all through high school and 30 hours a week in college.  Because of that I have bought 4 cars for my family over the years.  I know how to research cars, I know what we do and do not need.

That said when other people were going to house parties and going on road trips, I was working.  I got to travel, but the way I traveled was by having a job, internship, project.

So once I had to pare back to ONE job, then part time I found myself with TIME.  Time is a funny thing, too much of it and you try to fill it.  Hearing others talk about how they don't have enough makes you want to cram it full of activity.  When you have a chronic disease and a majority of time is spend lying in a dark room heaving into a bucket you get anxious.

Time may not be money, but it is fucking valuable. 

So when people drag their feet, I understand.  When I have to drag my feet I freak out.  Tomorrow might entail 16 hours of fighting off nausea and trying to find buckets to be nauseous in. 

So I find myself almost homicidal angry when I am ready to do something, making a smart decision and have people dragging their feet because they are being what appears to ME as being overly cautious.  More than that when they refuse to consult people who know things about the subject and are basing their actions on how they feel or what a friend "feels" (Friends whom have zero gorram knowledge of the subject)

THIS is where happy spouse happy house comes in.  Its about letting people come to terms with their feelings on decisions (even if you think feelings have nothing to do with it) its about letting family vent to toher family, and letting your spouse come around to buying a car on their own. 

In my case it is about backing the fuck off, letting him talk to his brother, best friend, gas station attendant, and anyone else who will help him come to grips with his feelings.

Its about loving someone enough to step back, sometimes it is enough.  Sometimes you will get ulcers or chew a hole in your tongue or have chronic visions of stabbing them in the leg with an ice pick.  But rage fades, and you remember WHY you love them when they do something like dance with the dog, or let the cat smell their stinky feet.

So this spouse may not especially be happy, but that spouse is getting there and marriage is about compromise and avoiding manslaughter charges.

Hopefully he will not use him brother as an expert for cars and listen to every expert who has advised us to buy the car we are financed for.  Or better yet, trust his wife and her arsenal of knowledge and research.  Off to boil a small mammal for ritual sacrifice.

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