There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. I have not had time to blog having been sucked into working two jobs, dealing with ongoing health problems, and trying to keep two sickly animals alive.
These last few months found me trying to grow my own food, attempting to spring clean and purge myself of unused, unwanted crap in my house the very last thing I was want to do was sit down and read the news.
So last night when I found myself again up with my arthritis and my heart hammering and unable to breath right I decided to check up with my favorite pirate news group and talk to some people who take scouring the interwebs for news and stories as if it is their job.
Three things were immediately brought up that made me realize WHY I don't visit more often. Somehow we ended up talking about sex (surprise!) It was brought to light that many of us on the forum considered ourselves bisexual. Suddenly a gay man interrupts to say "No disrespect but how is someone bisexual? Does it mean you will have sex with anyone?" I honestly tried to keep it light but the jabs were continued with "So no one is safe from a bisexual! at least with my straight guy friends I know there is no chance of being raped!" the final straw was when it was stated that Bisexuals were really just closet "polygamist"
Trying to be the bigger person I left but was fuming. To some people I am considered this wanton sex fiend who will sleep with anyone who has genitalia. Because I am bisexual I must wander around in a state of constant lust ready to spring on unsuspecting people at any time. Which ironically made me think about Danny Brown being sexually assaulted on stage at a show in Minnesota.
So because he is a man who has explicit sexual lyrics its a shrug-gable offense that a woman felt she could come onstage rip off his pants and put her mouth on his genitals? Maybe he is bisexual and just gave off implied consent?
Last time I went to the orchestra or the opera you expressed pleasure at someone's performance by applause or buying merchandise not by ripping the pants off Yo Yo Ma and putting his penis in your mouth.
We have this seriously fucked up view of consent. I was talking to a friend in the porn industry who told me even the most accepting and open people seem to not grasp the idea of consent "If I tell someone I am a porn actress they IMMEDIATELY become too familiar, thinking that they can touch me, slap my ass, or even try to kiss me. Because I have sex onscreen and am openly bisexual it means that it is automatic consent for anyone to do what they want, like its not my body anymore."
It goes past the point of making me angry, it just makes me feel embarrassed for our generation. What are we teaching the next generation about sexuality and consent? What happened to "No means No?"
I am not buying into the Bullsh*t that people get "carrried away" or get "mixed signals" or "are asking for it".
Telling me "well honestly what did you expect" when someone is verbally or sexually assaulted because of who they are, their sexuality, race, gender, appearance, or even their job boggles my mind. Unless I tell you to put your hands on me, then don't touch me. It really is that simple.
I have trouble with consent even at my job as a chef. Everyday I find people who are too familiar. I am constantly having to enforce my own personal space, tell people to please not touch me. The other day a person who I served food to for over a year came up and started rubbing my shoulders. I immediately said "Don't do that" to which they responded "Put humans all need physical contact" as if that made it OK to touch me and not ask for my consent.
The fact is if you didn't ask, and I didn't say it was OK its not. It really is that simple.
So if the above is true it should not matter WHAT my sexual preference is,or whom I find attractive nor what my job is. I will never touch someone without consent.
So here is the take away you can be any gender, any sexual preference and not be in danger of losing control of your wildfire libido and sexually assaulting them if you can grasp the idea of consent. Not Implied, not inferred but have an actual 10 second discussion about consent.