Monday, June 23, 2008

Great day so why do I feel so bad?

So I went to work, got out of a superbly boring meeting (woot!) then had a pleasantly productive day and an interview and doctor's appointment scheduled (double woot!) THEN I got a ride home and walking up the stairs tripped and thought I don't want to have to let the dog out...only to find that Kane being let out by the Crash! (WOOT!)

So I go upstairs, make some dinner, spend time with the catren and dog foster. read a bit, take a shower and am playing with the dog when he growls and snaps at me. Luckily since I worked with wolves I catch the warning signs and immediately see the warning grab his nape, flip him over and scream him stupid. then crate him while I gain my cool.

I realized my error, we are playing with his BONE. his PORCH bone. And I am on his level and was by his mouth. It was so absurdly stupid and now that I think about it I am wanting to take the same bone and hit myself over the head several times in consequetive thuds and say "stupid" over and over until the memory is gone.

I NEVER let his "play" with the bone. It is soley a relaxation toy. The boys never are allowed to "take it" from him and Kane always is told to "leave it" when its time to go inside. Its just too hard for him to let go of it.

Some toys and objects are triggers. I knew that and not only did I let him take the bone in but I was PLAYING with it with him.

I feel so bad I think I want to go give him a treat. But then he will be thinkng his actions were acceptable and they weren't. But truly, neither were mine.

We are still quite the ambiguously stupid duo.


Friday, June 20, 2008

My theme song as of late?

Your Misfortune

When your faith in life is gone
Come and speak to me
When you’re down and all messed up
Seek my sympathy

When everybody says no, no, no
Well it’s
Your misfortune and none of my own
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Well it’s your misfortune that sweetens my song

I can be the friend you want
I can be your confidante
I can be the right reminder at the right time
Throwing out the lifeline

Stand in the light. Stand in the light. Stand in the light.

When everybody says no, no, no
Well it’s
Your misfortune and none of my own
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Well it’s your misfortune that sweetens my song

When your face is caked with mud
Come and speak to me
When the chill creeps in your blood
Seek my sympathy

When everybody says no, no, no
Well it’s
Your misfortune and none of my own
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Well it’s your misfortune that sweetens my song

I can be the air you drink
Every single thought you think
I can be the right notion in the meantime
Warm you like the sunshine

Stand in the light. Stand in the light. Stand in the light.

Not much more I can say. I wish someone could lift me up.

That person is my Nana, it used to be my sister, now she is too far gone in her own misfortune to help me. My Uncle Mike acutally used to be great at telling me funny things about his work or just listening or giving me a hug and I would forget about my here and now for a while. I mis his voice and his hugs when I feel like this. This song reminds me of him. He was like standing in a warm spot of sun.


Thursday, June 19, 2008

WTF?! I am flypaper for morons

OK. That's it. THAT is the straw. THE F-ING STRAW!

I want to go to a place in the middle of the woods where no one is and be by myself. No more people, They are a constant disappointment.

I have been pissed on , shat on , sat on dropped from great heights, and spit on by karma and all his and her henchmen and smiled and took it.

I have tried to just take it with a smile when people said craptastic things to me and just brush it off as people being mean and letting it go. But this is IT!

I need a break before someone else gets my wrath who doesn't deserve to be unleashed upon!!!

I had NIMO turn off my electric after I sent them 200 of a 400 dollar bill. I was 97 cents short so they turned my power off without giving me 72 hours to come up with 97 cents.
It took them 2 days to turn it back on again and my dad's lawyers went apeshit on them because I have medical equipment that I use that NEEDS electricity that I had to use a gasoline generator on the back porch strung into the house. to run the fridge and my massage chair for my legs and back.

But we still had no hot water for 24 hours and i had to walk to my sisters house down stairs and had no heat in my apartment and it was 55 degrees in my apartment and I was freezing.

Today I am so tired from lack of sleep I spent the entire day fighting off falling asleep at my desk.

So this woman who sexually harassed me who didn't get reprimanded for it and still volunteers here and calls me "Beautiful" all the time *shudder* is caught carrying a fillet knife in her purse.

I ask her why she is taking a fillet knife from the westcott, she says she was going to return it, she needed it for protection. (???!!!)

Same woman whose dog mauled a friend of mine and permanently disfigured his leg with NO PROVOCATION. Who I (as a dog lover and trainer, and advocate) told Dog control if they ever see it lose it should be immediately euthanized because it isn't sane anymore.

So this crazy woman comes in today and accuses a retired police woman of stealing (wait for it) her frozen cinnamon buns.

I'll say it again.


The lady says that the older gentle men gave everyone some of them and Katie suddenly snatches them from her and then starts saying that she is a thief and that those are hers and she doesn't tolerate thieves. The woman being a retired cop takes offense and says "You can keep the damn buns but you apologize for calling me a thief you are a liar! Your rolls are probably with your purse in the kitchen!"

Crazy Woman turns around takes the frozen rolls and strikes the woman in the arm with the rolls. You heard me crazy bitch HITS HER!

Then as everyone starts screaming and yelling and carrying on the Senior adviser and I come out of the office like a shot and come out to see whats the matter. I see the older retired cop crying and know something is wrong. The Senior adviser turns and starts reaming the crazy bitch out telling her she needs to leave immediately. I come in, tell the senior adviser to leave and assist the injured person. I tell the crazy lady "You have assaulted someone. You have 2 minutes to get yourself as far from here as possible before the police get here, I don't even owe you that."

Then I watched her leave, and called the police, wrote a assault charge, put it on record with the PD here and performed First aid and made an appointment with Prompt care for the assault victim and drove her over.

So upon returning back I hear that the my jerk of a boss had come back and didn't even want to hear about what happened and only said "Send me the bill"


Then a bitch calls on the phone and when I am telling her the booking agent has gone for the day and that I will leave a message she says snottily "So what do you do? answer the phone and write down messages?! Tough Job!"

I wanted to HIT the woman over the phone!

I handle crazy people, rescue animals, work or human rights campaign, raise my nephews, and help other people who suffer from degenerative disc disease and Syringomyelia like I do.

At my job now I just made an art manual for inner city kids, made a volunteer manual, and totally remade a 1,500 member art list mailing so that next years art trail will be better attended and publicized.

So NO, I don't do NOTHING but write down messages you brainless bellydancer I mean who spells Shellie; CHelle'




Monday, June 16, 2008

Muther Flippin.....

This actually made my day.

Made me crack up too.

Have a laugh even if it IS monday


Friday, June 13, 2008

Ponytail Haricutting

I am a fan of the brittish show "Celebrity Scissorhands" and recently saw this on You Tube and had to link it here

I am ready for a haircut and am thinking that I might have to do this.

Apparently the more you pull the pony tail forward the more layers you get and then you cut into the end of the pony edge or "shaving brush" as it is reffered to and it gives you the choppy layers.

So depending on degrees you could have very gradual or almost no layers at all.

As I said before, I really may have to try this as my hair has almost no body at all.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Makes me feel better

more cat pictures

"If only the Itty Bitty Kitty Fire Brigade Came to put da Couch Fire Out"

With TINY little red helmets and NoMex turnout gear!


The beat goes on...

So I get an e-mail today from Spay and Neuter Syracuse today. They can't Neuter Blockhead AKA "Kane" until July. Which means we are fostering him until July.

Which means walking him, feeding him, training him, trimming nails, socializing, and generally being a dog owner again until well into July.

This wouldn't be such a big deal if I wasn't also trying to get a job, go on vacation, and deal with a worsening back at the same time.

This is just the WORST time to have a dog dropped on me.

I usually would never say something this hateful but whoever ditched this dog, I hope you get hit by a train, bus, truck, or large car and die a slow painful death alone, cold, in a ditch and in the hands of vengeful spiteful gods and later roast over a spit in hell.

This dog has serious problems about worrying people are going to attack me when we are walking. He is super anxious about the house and is constantly thinking people are trying to break in, and whoever had him before encouraged some of his aggressive characteristics because his temperament test showed that he responded aggressively at first to high pitched squeaky voices even when I stopped the voice and told him to sit.

The next day when we tested him with going in the yard and watching a neighbor he lunged at the neighbor and barked showing aggression and wouldn't be corrected.

He shows signs of being Incredibly stubborn, and borderline aggressive. He will need to be with an owner who KNOWS dogs, has owned dogs and knows how to make them work. He needs to work and do things. I think he is the kind of dog that would be a great garage or dump dog. He could be with a person all day and then guard and bark at things all night.

Well. I have 2 weeks to train him and get his urinary infection under control and hopefully find him a family. But I am ruling out small children and anyplace in the city.

Did I also mention I also was handed a baby bird and two newborn kittens last night? We won't even BEGIN to go into that.


Friday, June 06, 2008

Blooming Peonies

I love them so much I had one tattooed onto my right bicep.

Indeed. I am even trying to think of a way of incorporating a design of a skull with peonies in the eyes but my friend keeps saying "no marigolds, definitively more you."

I do love marigolds. And Dandelions because they are beautiful but if you try to pick them and put them in a vase they will die, but that their leaves make such a great salad, yet they are considered weeds.

I love birds foot trefoil a roadside ground cover that with bright yellow flowers that just happens to have cyanide in its leaves.

I love things like those which are juxtaposed. On one hand they are delightful to the eye medicinal, fragrant, delicious, or excellent at keeping away a pest on the other hand they are poisonous, die easily, have thorns, spread like disease, or are highly flammable.

That is my kind of flower.

But that is not why I love the peony.

I love the peony because my nana taught me hot to take care of them, watching the ants carefully cleaning the buds of each flower and the bees carefully tending to each bloom until they opened.

Then when they opened we would sneak out late at night and take shears and cut bouquets of peonies for each of our rooms and wash them carefully in the sink and remove the leaves. She would place a small drop of bleach in each vase and then place the peonies in our rooms.

I would come home to a room smelling brightly of peonies.

Then the bad part. One blooms. They all bloom. Then you rush around giving all your neighbors flowers putting peonies in every stinking corner of the house (which I LOVE!) and as soon as it starts it is over and the blooms are gone.

I try to savor the scent, enjoy watching the cats sniffing the air, my nephews stopping to check to see if there are any flowers ready to be picked. I sit in bed at night smelling the sweetly scenting air of my room softly breathing in the scent of the peonies and remembering myself as a little girl doing the same thing in my tiny twin bed.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Scootie Puff Junior, Rises From the Ashes

So it appears that the Angels At the DMV in Albany want to Bish Slap the Taft Road DMV Receptionists.

When I told them about the way she talked to me and what she told me that I needed and then how she refused to give me the paperwork the Albany Angel went BALLISTIC.

Indeed. Miss Peggy from ALBANY said "You need MV 82, an MV 51b that YOU fill out, an MV 51b that Adam fills out, an MV 51, and then a DTF 802, a VIN rubbing, a BILL OF SALE, and an insurance card. If they give you ANY problems you tell them you want the supervisor and that you spoke to the DMV in ALBANY and that I looked at the registration and the model and odometer and that this is indeed the correct paperwork."


Now I am off to draft up a Bill of Sale even though Adam is technically "giving it to me" and then I am done!

I am so happy. Soon I am going to be scooting around Syracuse

KJ, the Junior on Scootie Puff JR.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My kind of cat.

Boxing Fan cat. Bwahahahahaha! This rulez.

Monday, June 02, 2008

A shot to the chin

"I found out that two of my Junior Handlers are struggling with their Mom's
alcoholism. Karen was very accusatory towards her daughter last week and I
interceded and got her calmed down. I picked up the kids this am to go to the Dog
Park and see the babies. When I brought them back, Billie told me that she
knew her Mom had been drinking. Max had picked up on it too. I asked her
outright and she admitted it. She was talking about driving with them and so I took
them with me, after I told her if she had anything else to drink I' d kick her
ass. I called a little later to tell her to sleep it off and she agreed to
that. When I brought them home at 4:00pm she had just woken up. She started in on
Billie again, and I took her out on the deck and sent the kids for a walk
with their dogs. I really read her the riot act and then we all sat down and
wrote up a contract. Thirty days of meetings (with signed attendance for me and
the kids) and a change in meds for Karen. The kids to help out more around the
house ie: if they don't have clean clothes it's their fault-not Mom's. Get off
her case about smoking if she's doingit outside. At least three Alateen
meetings. They have my numbers to call if they need me, and if they can;t get me
they are to call Dad. If they are afraid she might be drinking they have
permission to look for booze and to call me, then I will talk to Karen. I thought
about you and how much I put you and Seth through all day. Maybe I can make a few
more amends with these kids. Love you more than you'll ever know.


I just got this letter from my mom. I thought I had actually gotten tough and past being angry at my mother for this but reading this stuff I actually was so shocked I couldn't talk, almost cried and had shaking hands that wanted to hit things.

All I could think of is, WHY are the kids forced to go to Alateen, why are they forced to sign a contract, why are they forced to accept their mothers smoking and get off their mothers case when SHE is the drunk? And why is a former drunk the advocate for the kids who are the victims?

She wants to make amends to me by making the kids go to meetings to sober up their mom? Doesn't she remember that I refused to go saying point blank that her drinking was not my fault and her endangering my welfare was inexcusable and I wasn't going to go to a meeting to learn how to placate her inability to not take drugs or alcohol when life was hard.

I mean FUCK I was a freaking hurting kids with chronic pain whose doctors thought she was a hypochondriac, with an alcoholic mother who routinely neglected us and drove around with us in a care while drunk. I've seen things that I have never told other people except my best friends and Uncles about only after swearing them to secrecy that made them cry. Now instead of finally trying to become a better person (because being a 50 year old, 500 pound, partially disabled food addict living with your mother is not successful in my mind)she decides she is going to try to make these kids give their mother a break and read her the riot act?

Yeah I can see how that went. A little yelling followed by a WHOLE lot of empathy and sympathy and reading from the Big Book.

I was irritated before last night and NOW I know why I saw this coming, I knew something like this was going to happen. I am so freakin irritated right now. My coworkers are irritating me and I know its because of this e-mail and the scooter and my back but I just can't shake off the irritation.

I just want to go around screaming FUK FUK FUK FUK I AM FLYPAPER FOR MORONS!

But I am trying to find another job so ranting and raging on the front lawn would not bode well for me finding a possible employer.

Quick note, Good thing that I actually took my own advice, A assistant director came in from Peace Incorporated and I talked to her about possible job opportunities and I handed her my resume and she got excited when she saw it (which made me perk up a little bit)

I know I irritated our senior adviser by choking in on her convo and slipping in my resume but ya know what she parrots my advice to people all the time and doesn't listen to people. Turn about is fair play.


Sunday, June 01, 2008

Ver damned sprigna pooft

Stupid Scootie puff. I cleaned her up, pumped up the tired, tooke her out, drained out the old gas to give to the mower (fuck that mower it doesn't deserve new gas) and filled her with fukkin PREMUIM.

And now the priss won't even turn over for me.

The battery is charged, the tank is full the carb choke and screws are all shiny and clean and she has been run and rested.

WTH!? Now its off to the mechanic for her and no "toot toot here I go a waltzing to Workie" on monday morning on my new scootie puff JR.

son of a republican than sucks.

I called Adam and he said "This is a lesson, you SUCK at waiting for things, first you had to wait to buy it, then you had to wait for plates, then to ride it, and now to ride it to work. This is good you are exercising a lesson in patience"

If I could have I would have reached through the phone and smacked him through the receiver.

I called my friend Andy instead to talk Buddhist with him since I felt like a very very bad Buddhist for the thoughts I was having against Adam. He suggested that I try to think about other things that I should be working on that my scootie puff would soon pull me away from. I thought about my knitting, my reading, my burgeoning back issues, and my poor turtle swimming in his own filth.

So reluctantly I decided to vent once, sweep up my bitch fest and then go get dinner ordered (China night) and get cracking on cleaning my cess pool of a turtle tank.

I'm thinking I want to move him in here so I can watch him swim around, I feel like he get lonely all the way up in the front room all by himself. I like watching him sun himself and raise up his feet in bliss when warm, he is a kewl guy my tommie turtle.

Off to whip together dinner and stretch out my back and try not to shoot looks at my cranky Scootie puff lounging in my garage.


Good morning Sunshine!

I kiss it every night...

Yes, I am absolutely ridiculous. I am actually planning on pulling apart after it gets too cold to ride and painting the body and the muffler.

Red and black again of course!

Then I want to save up for an Honda Elite. It will be another Scootie Puff Junior. I will never have a Scootie Puff Senior or Scootie Puff Extreme because of my syrinx...


I re-watched Kinky Boots today to see if I wanted to show it for one of our Pride Movie nights. It is funny and sassy but I think that I want to show something fun with a stronger message and starring a real trans personality.

I went to "Divine" website the owner of the real "Kinky Boot's" Factory and saw these:

I thought my back hurt...

I actually thought, I could get more hurt walking on these than I could riding my Spree.

Crash gave me yet ANOTHER lecture about crashing, and about how I have to stay in WCC neighborhood and stay on side streets and tell people where I am riding too and not ride too far and blah blah blah.

Adam already saif to Crash he is giving me lessons, he said I would get better as I rode more (I'm a LITTLE out of practice)Adam actually said "She needs to ride FARTHER and LONGER Crash not nearer and less."

I thought Crash was going to punch Adam and lock me in a tower.

So Adam and I went outside to work on the scooters and drink Beers until crash went to work.

I know WHY Crash is over protective being that I am sick and fragile but the fact that I already know my life could be shortened makes me want to live harder not more cautiously.

I wish he could see that I will be careful but won't walk around in bubble wrap.

Adam said I should try to let the scooter run today and clean it so I am off to do that as well as trim some more trees down in the back. I am listening to a bummer Ray Charles song...OK Need to switch and chipper up I am a Scooter Girl!