Monday, June 02, 2008

A shot to the chin

"I found out that two of my Junior Handlers are struggling with their Mom's
alcoholism. Karen was very accusatory towards her daughter last week and I
interceded and got her calmed down. I picked up the kids this am to go to the Dog
Park and see the babies. When I brought them back, Billie told me that she
knew her Mom had been drinking. Max had picked up on it too. I asked her
outright and she admitted it. She was talking about driving with them and so I took
them with me, after I told her if she had anything else to drink I' d kick her
ass. I called a little later to tell her to sleep it off and she agreed to
that. When I brought them home at 4:00pm she had just woken up. She started in on
Billie again, and I took her out on the deck and sent the kids for a walk
with their dogs. I really read her the riot act and then we all sat down and
wrote up a contract. Thirty days of meetings (with signed attendance for me and
the kids) and a change in meds for Karen. The kids to help out more around the
house ie: if they don't have clean clothes it's their fault-not Mom's. Get off
her case about smoking if she's doingit outside. At least three Alateen
meetings. They have my numbers to call if they need me, and if they can;t get me
they are to call Dad. If they are afraid she might be drinking they have
permission to look for booze and to call me, then I will talk to Karen. I thought
about you and how much I put you and Seth through all day. Maybe I can make a few
more amends with these kids. Love you more than you'll ever know.


I just got this letter from my mom. I thought I had actually gotten tough and past being angry at my mother for this but reading this stuff I actually was so shocked I couldn't talk, almost cried and had shaking hands that wanted to hit things.

All I could think of is, WHY are the kids forced to go to Alateen, why are they forced to sign a contract, why are they forced to accept their mothers smoking and get off their mothers case when SHE is the drunk? And why is a former drunk the advocate for the kids who are the victims?

She wants to make amends to me by making the kids go to meetings to sober up their mom? Doesn't she remember that I refused to go saying point blank that her drinking was not my fault and her endangering my welfare was inexcusable and I wasn't going to go to a meeting to learn how to placate her inability to not take drugs or alcohol when life was hard.

I mean FUCK I was a freaking hurting kids with chronic pain whose doctors thought she was a hypochondriac, with an alcoholic mother who routinely neglected us and drove around with us in a care while drunk. I've seen things that I have never told other people except my best friends and Uncles about only after swearing them to secrecy that made them cry. Now instead of finally trying to become a better person (because being a 50 year old, 500 pound, partially disabled food addict living with your mother is not successful in my mind)she decides she is going to try to make these kids give their mother a break and read her the riot act?

Yeah I can see how that went. A little yelling followed by a WHOLE lot of empathy and sympathy and reading from the Big Book.

I was irritated before last night and NOW I know why I saw this coming, I knew something like this was going to happen. I am so freakin irritated right now. My coworkers are irritating me and I know its because of this e-mail and the scooter and my back but I just can't shake off the irritation.

I just want to go around screaming FUK FUK FUK FUK I AM FLYPAPER FOR MORONS!

But I am trying to find another job so ranting and raging on the front lawn would not bode well for me finding a possible employer.

Quick note, Good thing that I actually took my own advice, A assistant director came in from Peace Incorporated and I talked to her about possible job opportunities and I handed her my resume and she got excited when she saw it (which made me perk up a little bit)

I know I irritated our senior adviser by choking in on her convo and slipping in my resume but ya know what she parrots my advice to people all the time and doesn't listen to people. Turn about is fair play.


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