Fear and loathing

So its 6AM and I am so nausous and sore I can't sleep.

So I was watching TV on my computer and cleaning and found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHxBteBu1yI

Jeci and I were actually scared by this because we have both been anorexic at times.

I was scared this week because the nausea and pain has become so bad I found myself eating less than 900 calories a day. Not because I am not hungry I love me some food!

But because the nausea and stomach pain when I eat is terrible.

I hate it because I can't walk my doggie, I can't clean my house, and I can't work!

I don't want to lose a lot of weight. In fact, I don't think I need to lose ANY weight...maybe 15 pounds. But in the last week I dropped 8 in 4 days.

Jeci forced a scale into the house and we are both scared to have it here having both had food issues and been anorexic together.

But the doctor said he needed to know how much weight I was losing. Tomorrow (today) I have a complete blood panel scheduled and stool sample (done!) and urinalysis to make sure my body is digesting food right.

My doc thinks I may have ulcers. I would welcome something that innocuous because it would be easy to treat, one nexium once a day right?

I miss being there for my family, I am not accustomed to being a "stay in bed Auntie and doggie mama"

I hope they figure out what is going on so I can enjoy some coconut noodles and Jamaican food at the festival next weekend!!!

I've even started letting myself have cheese and some fish. But it isn't helping and I can't stomach pasta.

This stupid illness is really pissing me off.

I am going to go let my doggie out and try to go for a walk so I don't wake Crash up. We can go get bagels and bring them home for daddy.

THe one great thing about Kane is that he is SO GOOD for me. He knows I am not as fast as Daddy. He never pulls he helps me up if I trip and fall and walks slow enough for me to keep up.

Daddy Crash and I even taught him how to open the door and get Jeci if I don't respond to him. He is SO SMART I am so lucky to have had someone drop him in our yard. He's my therapy mammal.

Speaking of which off to get bagels and go poops and peeps.

kj