"FUK! and I am so gay."
Deleted Blog Entry: Because of offensive language.
Posted March 19th, 2010 at 12:24 AM by Keenkitty:
I vampire d again.
slept all damn day.
FUK FUK FUK!
I have been watching "The L word" and trying to alk to my brother Jase about it and he is not into it. He is bitching about me not watching Project Runway the INSTANT it comes on so that we can talk about it all week long.
So I picked up a fashion magazine today because Lady Gaga was on the cover and we went through the outfits together and I was saying I liked the outfits the guys were wearing.
Suddenly my brother squeals "You are so GAY!"
uh yeah, I am, I REALLY am, and?
I know I am like a "Bi-butch/Gay-guy" as my fiance calls it. Except that I like to shave my armpits and legs, I wear makeup sometimes, and I have longer hair.
Other than that my fiance and I wear the same style clothes. My friend Bax and I wear each others clothes. (And the bastard stole my opalite plugs saying "you don't wear these, they too small fo' yo' azz, I wan'em" ) and I have exactly three girls shirts. and 4 girls pants. The rest are guys.
If I tweezed my brows, wore product in my hair, and watched what I ate and worked out more, I would be a gay man.
Well I would need a peenus but honestly I would probably stick it into too many things I wasn't supposed too so its a good thing I don't have one.
Bax said today on our hike "Man I'm glad your not a guy, you'd be gay and you'd be sticking your sh*t into anything tight and dark as it is you probably carry your peenus around in your back pack."
I laughed so hard I literally almost fell off the edge of a fukkin cliff.
Bax caught my arm and Trib who was with us said "Dude, Shotokon over there saved your life, now he has to watch you like a hawk until it needs saving again"
Bax said "Thats it, you're going over the cliff"
It was an interesting afternoon.
When I got home I took out Chupdogra and he scared the sh*t out of the neighbor kid by barking at him. I scolded him and he didn't get to come to the bank with me. I drove Trib home and saw his new digs. He has n furniture, 3 cats, and sleeps on the floor.
Bax and I were like "Dude, this weekend you are taking the futon and we are getting you furniture."
His wife broke it off and cheated on him and HE LEFT her the house?! The guy is vegan and has LOST weight. I actually was able to lift him up today. I told him "OK, time for Mama to feed you, this weekend you are coming over and I am making you pasta."
Bax said he works all the time, never goes out, and sits at home with the cats and reads.
Bax was like "dude! wrong puddy!" We are going to make him go to a movie and not wear pajamas this time.
Crash was like "How many friends, like five? guy friends without girlfriends we have now? WTH man?"
He gets to stay home and babysit, I have to drag their sorry azzes out and make them do ****e.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Deceptacon: More than meets the eye
Deceptively simple, this hat was actually long in knitting. Knit on teeny needles it is a vegan yarn so its hand washable! This yarn has good stretch, little sheen and is warm and toasty.
great hat for a boyfriend or urban guy.
$30.00 will bring it home.
KJ
great hat for a boyfriend or urban guy.
$30.00 will bring it home.
KJ
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
First Hat up for auction!
So I am auctioning this hat. I am jobless and physically crapped out. But I can knit, and apparently really well so here is a hat: Its made out of Moochi Plus by Crystal Palace. It is 80% Merino wool and 20% nylon so you can wash gently and flat dry.
Shipping to anywhere inside the Continental US (sorry Hawaii,Alaska, and Puerto Rico)
would be free, anywhere else I can calculate once it is figured out.
So here is the hat.
Bids start a $20.00
New hats will be up Shortly!
Thank you!
KJ
Shipping to anywhere inside the Continental US (sorry Hawaii,Alaska, and Puerto Rico)
would be free, anywhere else I can calculate once it is figured out.
So here is the hat.
Bids start a $20.00
New hats will be up Shortly!
Thank you!
KJ
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Life in review
So I have been watching a lot of Andrew Zimmerman, Man vs. Food,and Anthony Bourdain in my recovery since contracting a wicked kidney infection, then piggy-packing a sinus infection and costo-condritis on top of that.
It made me want to start my product reviews even more. There are so many products that we use or are given and asked to review that we I love or hate and I review them on Associated Content, but I always mean to make the reviews available here if they are not picked up exclusively.
I have picked up product and band reviews even some event and organization and company reviews. I would love to get some restaurant reviews. Having been raised my a chef dad and a Nana whose recipes were featured in over 20 church cookbooks and who made 12 different types of holiday cookies for over 14 sets of families not including her own every year until she was 83. I used to get cooking implements and pots and pans for holidays and birthdays because I asked for them.
Whenever I go home to Minnesota my Nana and I sneak her out of her retirement home and I find out which restaurant is supposedly the best in town that year and we get a reservation (I still don't know how, you mention her name and suddenly there is a table) and we go and eat and I always know if it is good not by how it tastes but by whether or not she asks if the chef would step out and say hello so she can give her compliments.
Once we were eating at a new restaurant in town and she had a reuben that was greasy and terrible. She told me to taste it and I could they had not used fresh sliced meat (from that day) they had left it on the grill to long, and had applied oil to the grill before putting the meat down to warm.
All rookie mistakes. But simple to see if you looked at the presentation of the sandwich. Also, if a customer complains, especially an 80 year old customer, you comp the meal and apologize.
Well this manager came out and said there was nothing wrong with the sandwich, maybe my Nana had no idea how Reubens were made and it wasn't his problem if she couldn't take a little grease.
I happened to know the owner of the restaurant was in the kitchen so I leaned over to my Nana and told her to follow me.
I walked quickly past the manager with my Nana on my heels with her walker. Walked up to the owner who knew my Nana. He said hello and I told him what his manager had said and dropped the greasy sandwich plate on his prep area.
He looked down at the soggy bread and sighed. He said our meal was free and he insisted we come back for dinner on him that weekend and bring the whole family.
The manager started mouthing off again and I slapped my hand on the counter and said "OK thats enough, I am going to SHOW you what a real Reuben looks like, get me a jacket and gloves."
The manager started saying something about insurance and impossible and the owner just laughed and told him my father had worked there as a sous chef when I was a little girl and to stop talking and watch.
I got my gear together tot bread toasting got kraut draining, started warming meat on a dry skillet on the grill as soon as it was steaming I flipped it a few times used tongs to put it on the toasted bread, added cheese, covered it for a few seconds with a lis, grabbed a plate, turned grabbed the kraut, gave a final shake, turned out the toasted sandwich, tonged out the kraut on the sandwich used a spatula to put it together, cut it in half on a cutting board, and plated it and then wiped the plate with a clean cloth.
The owner and my Nana each took a bit of the Reuben and said it was good, moist, not greasy. I asked the cook and the Manager to bite and they did. The manager just shook his head and walked out. The cook apologized.
I explained to the cook that My dad once worked at a Kosher deli and they used to make Reubens and Brisket, and all sorts of meat sandwiches in which you had to re heat meat. The trick was you had to make sure that if it was a oily meat like certain parts of Beef or perk, you didn't need to add oil when heating it up for a sandwich. Especially when serving it with something as moist as kraut.
It is were Chicken you might have to add some oil but you would have to slow the cooking process to make sure the meat didn't dry out and get chewy like breast tends to.
My Nana said it was too bad I already had a job in NY. I shook my head, I would never do food service again, talk about a harsh mistress!
We did end up coming back and having a great meal. They did hire a friend of my dads who was looking for less hours due to retirement and specialized in BBQ so he knew his meat. The steaks they served were excellent. They have since re-opened under a new name and re-located downtown and I have not had a chance to visit their new digs. Same chef, same owner. New menu with simpler options prepared based on seasnal availability.
My Nana said she heard it was great and she wants to go eat there. I just hope I don't end up in the kitchen.
It made me want to start my product reviews even more. There are so many products that we use or are given and asked to review that we I love or hate and I review them on Associated Content, but I always mean to make the reviews available here if they are not picked up exclusively.
I have picked up product and band reviews even some event and organization and company reviews. I would love to get some restaurant reviews. Having been raised my a chef dad and a Nana whose recipes were featured in over 20 church cookbooks and who made 12 different types of holiday cookies for over 14 sets of families not including her own every year until she was 83. I used to get cooking implements and pots and pans for holidays and birthdays because I asked for them.
Whenever I go home to Minnesota my Nana and I sneak her out of her retirement home and I find out which restaurant is supposedly the best in town that year and we get a reservation (I still don't know how, you mention her name and suddenly there is a table) and we go and eat and I always know if it is good not by how it tastes but by whether or not she asks if the chef would step out and say hello so she can give her compliments.
Once we were eating at a new restaurant in town and she had a reuben that was greasy and terrible. She told me to taste it and I could they had not used fresh sliced meat (from that day) they had left it on the grill to long, and had applied oil to the grill before putting the meat down to warm.
All rookie mistakes. But simple to see if you looked at the presentation of the sandwich. Also, if a customer complains, especially an 80 year old customer, you comp the meal and apologize.
Well this manager came out and said there was nothing wrong with the sandwich, maybe my Nana had no idea how Reubens were made and it wasn't his problem if she couldn't take a little grease.
I happened to know the owner of the restaurant was in the kitchen so I leaned over to my Nana and told her to follow me.
I walked quickly past the manager with my Nana on my heels with her walker. Walked up to the owner who knew my Nana. He said hello and I told him what his manager had said and dropped the greasy sandwich plate on his prep area.
He looked down at the soggy bread and sighed. He said our meal was free and he insisted we come back for dinner on him that weekend and bring the whole family.
The manager started mouthing off again and I slapped my hand on the counter and said "OK thats enough, I am going to SHOW you what a real Reuben looks like, get me a jacket and gloves."
The manager started saying something about insurance and impossible and the owner just laughed and told him my father had worked there as a sous chef when I was a little girl and to stop talking and watch.
I got my gear together tot bread toasting got kraut draining, started warming meat on a dry skillet on the grill as soon as it was steaming I flipped it a few times used tongs to put it on the toasted bread, added cheese, covered it for a few seconds with a lis, grabbed a plate, turned grabbed the kraut, gave a final shake, turned out the toasted sandwich, tonged out the kraut on the sandwich used a spatula to put it together, cut it in half on a cutting board, and plated it and then wiped the plate with a clean cloth.
The owner and my Nana each took a bit of the Reuben and said it was good, moist, not greasy. I asked the cook and the Manager to bite and they did. The manager just shook his head and walked out. The cook apologized.
I explained to the cook that My dad once worked at a Kosher deli and they used to make Reubens and Brisket, and all sorts of meat sandwiches in which you had to re heat meat. The trick was you had to make sure that if it was a oily meat like certain parts of Beef or perk, you didn't need to add oil when heating it up for a sandwich. Especially when serving it with something as moist as kraut.
It is were Chicken you might have to add some oil but you would have to slow the cooking process to make sure the meat didn't dry out and get chewy like breast tends to.
My Nana said it was too bad I already had a job in NY. I shook my head, I would never do food service again, talk about a harsh mistress!
We did end up coming back and having a great meal. They did hire a friend of my dads who was looking for less hours due to retirement and specialized in BBQ so he knew his meat. The steaks they served were excellent. They have since re-opened under a new name and re-located downtown and I have not had a chance to visit their new digs. Same chef, same owner. New menu with simpler options prepared based on seasnal availability.
My Nana said she heard it was great and she wants to go eat there. I just hope I don't end up in the kitchen.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Dear Food Bloggers, Hear my small rant
If you are going to go to a restaurant or a cafe or diner and review food there are a few ground rules those of us firmly ensconced in the culinary world ask of you.
1. If you are going to rant or rave about something; know what it is and what the ingredients are. Nothing is more annoying when a self proclaimed "foodie" says they enjoyed or hated something and can't describe what about the item or preparation they didn't like. Which brings us to number two.
2. Learn to cook. You don't have to cook well. You don't have to be a master chef, baker or BBQ boss. However you should be able to know how sauces are thickened, what common spices are used for what, and the names of some universally used meats, vegetables, fruits, grains, and how to prepare them in theory at least.
3. Be willing to try it. I have myself sampled so much wine, that I am now allergic to it and can't even eat dried fruit, drink grape juice,or anything with sulfites. I am also allergic to shellfish. But the way I found out how much I was allergic to shellfish was when I tried fresh caught oysters on the half shell with a squeeze of fresh lemon and a shot of hot sauce. My sister had to inject me with my epipen and I had to take a weeks worth of prednisone. Was it worth it to be able to say I have tried fresh Oysters? Hell yes. Unless its the local drinking water in a third world country be willing to take palate risks. This is how I found out I absolutely LOVE fried caterpillars and sun dried crickets in lime and salt.
4. When speaking about experiences with food keep perspectives clear. When you dine alone it is easier to describe food. Do not try to describe your dining partners experience! Not only is this impossible to do, but it is boring to read about. If you must let your diner relay his or her experience make a clear distinction; "Sally ordered the Corn Fritters. She ate half her order leaving the rest saying it was too rich but good. She described the fritters as crispy without being over fried with a soft bread like inside that was not the least bit goey...I sampled them as well and found the spices to a great compliment to the crunch of the corn meal crust. I could taste the black pepper, and a hint of oregano in the seasoning"
To sum it all up Foodie reviewers at large. If you are going to review food you need to do more than shove it down your gullet and describe what it tastes like and how it makes you feel. My father is a chef and my Nana a master baker and cook in her own right. I grew up around food and have spent years refining and spoiling my palate, and learning from both of them as well as some top chefs in the world who came to learn from my dad or came to visit the animal rescue I run with my partner. I love seeking out restaurants "known" for their award winning or famous entrees or desserts and taking friends with me. I've put in my time and have my chops and can call myself a foodie and not feel I have not earned the title.
Ask yourself Foodie blogger, if you are bragging about the restaurant PR invites you scored because you give good reviews even if its sub par food, are you doing well? Have you juggled four pans over a stove, cooked for 12 people, had 6 people all tell you they hated your food, or have 20 people clear you out of your appetizers? Have you written a review about someones restaurant that was so bad you were worried that they might send you a bill for the PR invite?
Unless you can say yes, in this foodies opinion you have not gotten your training wheels off yet and have more work to do.
1. If you are going to rant or rave about something; know what it is and what the ingredients are. Nothing is more annoying when a self proclaimed "foodie" says they enjoyed or hated something and can't describe what about the item or preparation they didn't like. Which brings us to number two.
2. Learn to cook. You don't have to cook well. You don't have to be a master chef, baker or BBQ boss. However you should be able to know how sauces are thickened, what common spices are used for what, and the names of some universally used meats, vegetables, fruits, grains, and how to prepare them in theory at least.
3. Be willing to try it. I have myself sampled so much wine, that I am now allergic to it and can't even eat dried fruit, drink grape juice,or anything with sulfites. I am also allergic to shellfish. But the way I found out how much I was allergic to shellfish was when I tried fresh caught oysters on the half shell with a squeeze of fresh lemon and a shot of hot sauce. My sister had to inject me with my epipen and I had to take a weeks worth of prednisone. Was it worth it to be able to say I have tried fresh Oysters? Hell yes. Unless its the local drinking water in a third world country be willing to take palate risks. This is how I found out I absolutely LOVE fried caterpillars and sun dried crickets in lime and salt.
4. When speaking about experiences with food keep perspectives clear. When you dine alone it is easier to describe food. Do not try to describe your dining partners experience! Not only is this impossible to do, but it is boring to read about. If you must let your diner relay his or her experience make a clear distinction; "Sally ordered the Corn Fritters. She ate half her order leaving the rest saying it was too rich but good. She described the fritters as crispy without being over fried with a soft bread like inside that was not the least bit goey...I sampled them as well and found the spices to a great compliment to the crunch of the corn meal crust. I could taste the black pepper, and a hint of oregano in the seasoning"
To sum it all up Foodie reviewers at large. If you are going to review food you need to do more than shove it down your gullet and describe what it tastes like and how it makes you feel. My father is a chef and my Nana a master baker and cook in her own right. I grew up around food and have spent years refining and spoiling my palate, and learning from both of them as well as some top chefs in the world who came to learn from my dad or came to visit the animal rescue I run with my partner. I love seeking out restaurants "known" for their award winning or famous entrees or desserts and taking friends with me. I've put in my time and have my chops and can call myself a foodie and not feel I have not earned the title.
Ask yourself Foodie blogger, if you are bragging about the restaurant PR invites you scored because you give good reviews even if its sub par food, are you doing well? Have you juggled four pans over a stove, cooked for 12 people, had 6 people all tell you they hated your food, or have 20 people clear you out of your appetizers? Have you written a review about someones restaurant that was so bad you were worried that they might send you a bill for the PR invite?
Unless you can say yes, in this foodies opinion you have not gotten your training wheels off yet and have more work to do.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I will fix you
My brother died this month, many years back. Cancer wracked his body and he died.
Its so strange that around this month and this time I start thinking not about my anniversary that is coming up in February, but of the family that I have lost.
An 18 year old brother in the Spring, an Uncle in the late summer, another brother in the winter, a best friend in the fall.
To name a few.
It seems every time that I say that I am becoming more comfortable with death, it tests me another time.
This year one of my good friends killed himself and I hadn't even seen him for months. I'd been sick and even hospitalized because of costochondritis. I'd seen him perhaps once in the three months of being sick and we'd promised we'd go out for lunch.
I had thought we had time to make up for me not being able to see him.
When he killed himself I thought; "I should be ok, this hah happened to me before with my brother, with my friends, this has happened three times, I should be ok with this."
It has been 6 months and I am still not ok with it.
I still feel like I should have known he was depressed.
I still feel like sick or not I should have forced myself from the hospital to the funeral.
I still wish I had the courage to call his family and ask where he was buried.
But I am ashamed because I don't want to say goodbye.
Not just to my friend. I am angry with all the people who left me and made it so I had to learn to be OK with death.
I still feel like I should feel guilty for feeling like that.
That is just how I feel. When something happens during the day and you think "Oh this person would love this!" and then you remember they are dead and that pain stabs you?
I hate that, and I still feel that about each person who I loved who has died.
So what have I learned that can help you? How can I go on? Well I can tell you it never goes away. That stabbing feeling. That bittersweet memory of you and that person and wishing you could just know that they knew that you still loved them and you missed them and thought about them.
What I can tell you is that stabbing feeling lets you know that you ARE still alive. And being alive is good. I can let you know that the people who are dead do know that you love them and that they are warm and safe and secure and far better off than we are.
I an tell you that even though having someone you love die is never easy, it doesn't change and the pain always gets better.
So maybe from all this death there was something I learned. Death University of sorts. I won't ever be jaded or untouched by the loss of life no matter how stone faced I may appear.
But maybe with all the things I have overcome, and all the things I have learned about death and grief, if you are saddened by loss and feeling alone, you can stand by me.
Maybe I can fix you.
KJ
Its so strange that around this month and this time I start thinking not about my anniversary that is coming up in February, but of the family that I have lost.
An 18 year old brother in the Spring, an Uncle in the late summer, another brother in the winter, a best friend in the fall.
To name a few.
It seems every time that I say that I am becoming more comfortable with death, it tests me another time.
This year one of my good friends killed himself and I hadn't even seen him for months. I'd been sick and even hospitalized because of costochondritis. I'd seen him perhaps once in the three months of being sick and we'd promised we'd go out for lunch.
I had thought we had time to make up for me not being able to see him.
When he killed himself I thought; "I should be ok, this hah happened to me before with my brother, with my friends, this has happened three times, I should be ok with this."
It has been 6 months and I am still not ok with it.
I still feel like I should have known he was depressed.
I still feel like sick or not I should have forced myself from the hospital to the funeral.
I still wish I had the courage to call his family and ask where he was buried.
But I am ashamed because I don't want to say goodbye.
Not just to my friend. I am angry with all the people who left me and made it so I had to learn to be OK with death.
I still feel like I should feel guilty for feeling like that.
That is just how I feel. When something happens during the day and you think "Oh this person would love this!" and then you remember they are dead and that pain stabs you?
I hate that, and I still feel that about each person who I loved who has died.
So what have I learned that can help you? How can I go on? Well I can tell you it never goes away. That stabbing feeling. That bittersweet memory of you and that person and wishing you could just know that they knew that you still loved them and you missed them and thought about them.
What I can tell you is that stabbing feeling lets you know that you ARE still alive. And being alive is good. I can let you know that the people who are dead do know that you love them and that they are warm and safe and secure and far better off than we are.
I an tell you that even though having someone you love die is never easy, it doesn't change and the pain always gets better.
So maybe from all this death there was something I learned. Death University of sorts. I won't ever be jaded or untouched by the loss of life no matter how stone faced I may appear.
But maybe with all the things I have overcome, and all the things I have learned about death and grief, if you are saddened by loss and feeling alone, you can stand by me.
Maybe I can fix you.
KJ
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tub time
Because I have a bad back I take probably about 3-4 baths a week. This has led me to become somewhat of a bath connoisseur. I know where to get the best bubble bars, the best bath soaks, who makes the best salts and what temp makes the best bath.
I have become an expert on which herbs steep to make the softest skin, I have a collection of essential oils to mix and add to my bath to create stress reduction, cold remedy, relaxation, romantic, energizing and other scents.
I have the bath pillow which I sanitize and clean every three days. I have the back scrubber, I have the tub tray that allows me to read in the bath.
Seem a little extreme?
Here is the point of my bath. Not only is it a chance to relieve my back pain for 15 minutes and release some of the tight muscles that plague my body 24/7. It is a chance to inhale some aromatherapy, soften my skin, ex foliate, shave, steam the pores, and read a little without a cat on my chest (well, sometimes he still tries) or a dog bothering me.
Bath time is a time that I make very special for myself and make sure that it is undesturbed.
Everyone could take a little ritual like tub time and make it there own. Mayb tea time, or Meal time.
Hell maybe we should have several little things that we do for ourselves that are little but special.
It helps us feel cared for and relaxed.
Think of how much money we would save if we did little things like taking a nice bath and time for tea each day instead of spending hundreds of dollars every 6 months to "get away" to an expensive spa.
Think about it.
KJ
I have become an expert on which herbs steep to make the softest skin, I have a collection of essential oils to mix and add to my bath to create stress reduction, cold remedy, relaxation, romantic, energizing and other scents.
I have the bath pillow which I sanitize and clean every three days. I have the back scrubber, I have the tub tray that allows me to read in the bath.
Seem a little extreme?
Here is the point of my bath. Not only is it a chance to relieve my back pain for 15 minutes and release some of the tight muscles that plague my body 24/7. It is a chance to inhale some aromatherapy, soften my skin, ex foliate, shave, steam the pores, and read a little without a cat on my chest (well, sometimes he still tries) or a dog bothering me.
Bath time is a time that I make very special for myself and make sure that it is undesturbed.
Everyone could take a little ritual like tub time and make it there own. Mayb tea time, or Meal time.
Hell maybe we should have several little things that we do for ourselves that are little but special.
It helps us feel cared for and relaxed.
Think of how much money we would save if we did little things like taking a nice bath and time for tea each day instead of spending hundreds of dollars every 6 months to "get away" to an expensive spa.
Think about it.
KJ
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Muses from the Manlove-Armstrong Clan
Funnies between us often amuse the hell out of us but there is no one else to hear it but the dog.
So Crash composed what he thought was the 5 best anecdotes of the year:
1. Me: "You had me wrap my own present, and your present didn't come here on time, and we have to go eat terrible food at a house with your father's in laws who are horrible people, christmas sucks."
Chris to the dog: "Don't listen to mommy, she also killed santa and ate the easter bunny."
2. Chris: "What time did you set Hello Kitty for?"
Me: "I set it for, time for Chris to get a pair of glasses, and go to bed earlier so he didn't need two alarm clocks."
Chris: "Is that around 6:15?"
3. 3AM I am awake and saying "Fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death, I will not fear."
Chris: "Fear is waking up at 3AM to your fiance talking to herself...go to sleep!"
4. Chris from the bathroom. "Hunny?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Chris: "Um, Can you come in here and get Billy? I need some privacy."
Me, walking into the bathroom. "Sure, why?"
I walk in and see Billy standing on the sink staring eye to eye with Chris seated on the bathtub.
Chris: "I think h wants to intimidate me and I need to, um, take care of some things and I don't think I can do it while he stares at me."
Me: "Why? We look at them when they go?"
Chris looks shocked: "I would never watch them go potty, that is private you are depraved.
Both men look at me blinking and staring. I roll my eyes and leave picking up Billy.
5. While shoveling outside Chris had me bring the dog out. It was 4AM when we had to go outside and clear snow off, and shovel out the drive. After clearing the snow and drive and sidewalk and came back inside and crawled back into bed where I cuddled up to my large black cat and told him "Billy you are lucky you are a kitty, you didn't have to be Cold, and outside helping Daddy shovel snow." Chris heard me mutter this before I passed out to sleep and laughed about it all week.
Now he teases me each morning that its time for Kane and I to get up and go outside to be "cold and outside helping"
We are not amused.
Happy Holidaze from the Manlove Armstrong Krew
KJ, Crash, Kane, Billy, Ani, and Jayne
In fondest memory Of Samsara Rose 2005-2009
So Crash composed what he thought was the 5 best anecdotes of the year:
1. Me: "You had me wrap my own present, and your present didn't come here on time, and we have to go eat terrible food at a house with your father's in laws who are horrible people, christmas sucks."
Chris to the dog: "Don't listen to mommy, she also killed santa and ate the easter bunny."
2. Chris: "What time did you set Hello Kitty for?"
Me: "I set it for, time for Chris to get a pair of glasses, and go to bed earlier so he didn't need two alarm clocks."
Chris: "Is that around 6:15?"
3. 3AM I am awake and saying "Fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death, I will not fear."
Chris: "Fear is waking up at 3AM to your fiance talking to herself...go to sleep!"
4. Chris from the bathroom. "Hunny?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Chris: "Um, Can you come in here and get Billy? I need some privacy."
Me, walking into the bathroom. "Sure, why?"
I walk in and see Billy standing on the sink staring eye to eye with Chris seated on the bathtub.
Chris: "I think h wants to intimidate me and I need to, um, take care of some things and I don't think I can do it while he stares at me."
Me: "Why? We look at them when they go?"
Chris looks shocked: "I would never watch them go potty, that is private you are depraved.
Both men look at me blinking and staring. I roll my eyes and leave picking up Billy.
5. While shoveling outside Chris had me bring the dog out. It was 4AM when we had to go outside and clear snow off, and shovel out the drive. After clearing the snow and drive and sidewalk and came back inside and crawled back into bed where I cuddled up to my large black cat and told him "Billy you are lucky you are a kitty, you didn't have to be Cold, and outside helping Daddy shovel snow." Chris heard me mutter this before I passed out to sleep and laughed about it all week.
Now he teases me each morning that its time for Kane and I to get up and go outside to be "cold and outside helping"
We are not amused.
Happy Holidaze from the Manlove Armstrong Krew
KJ, Crash, Kane, Billy, Ani, and Jayne
In fondest memory Of Samsara Rose 2005-2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Million dollar ideas...
In times of great stress we seem to find out thing about ourselves and others.
Things we didn't want to know.
In great sickness we find out who are friends are. here are friends who send e-mails. Then there are friends who follow around with a shop-vac.
In our worst hours there are friends who hold a mirror up to us and make us see our deep dark truth. In we either repay that kindness by facing that darkness and wrangling that dark passenger. Or we smash that mirror and turn our back on the friend who had the courage to call us on our bullshit.
In great sadness we find the person who knows that place you go to hide when you say you want to be alone, but you really shouldn't.
And again you will find the person you call with trembling hands, and weakest resolve who tells you quite honestly they just don't have the time for you right now.
It is both eye opening and heart wrenching the things that we find out when life decides to make things interesting for us.
There must be millions of dollars of research and man hours spent trying to find that one curative fix that would replace the healing effect of simple human kindness.
Thinking about the worst times in life, heart wrenched, broken, mind numb, body aching, mind all jumbled yet unable to focus on anything.
The urgency to be alone, yet the craving to be consoled.
The need to have someone say something to make everything make sense, and the wish that everyone would just stop talking.
Imagine if there was a pill, or a drink, or a patch. In your worst moment you pop it, slap it on, drop it under your tongue and suddenly your entire being is filled with the sense that everything really does happen for a reason and things really will work out and you are ok, and everything will be ok.
Suddenly you are calm, you can handle everything and you feel comforted and safe and assured that everything will be taken care of.
Someone would be a millionaire.
Part of me wonders if that is what alcoholics and drug addicts are seeking. However after questioning them as to how they feel when they do drugs they say it just makes them forget about how hard life is for a while.
But thats just it, what a poor drug or alcoholic I would be. I want something more. I already have a hard time remembering things and I need to remember things so that I know if they are working out.
I've tried a lot of things to reach this state of calm. Hypnotism,Meditation, Yoga, running, Martial Arts, Tai Chi, Fasting, even a sweat lodge ceremony.
Several times I have seen things I cannot explain. Several times I have felt closer to the earth and nature and closer in tune with my body.
Never have I felt that calm assurance that everything was going to be OK.
The reason I seek it out so diligently is that I am told that I appear to have it.
I am not a stranger to death. I saw my first animal corpse while hiking through the woods near my house. We came into a clearing and found a cat that had been nailed to a stump and gutted.
I had enough sense not to touch anything sent my friend back to call the police and stayed put.
I was the one who listened as the officers asked if anyone recognized the cat, saw any collars, or knew of anyone who hung out here a lot. I calmly told them about the neighbor who had three cats whose yard was adjacent, the kids who came down here to smoke who I'd seen the other night hanging out in the cemetery, and retraced our steps and showed them cigarette butts and shoe treads.
I felt angry about the cat because it was innocent. My friend threw up in the bushes and never spoke to me much after that.
A few years later my brother killed himself in our basement and I was the one who found him. I was 14. I remember waking up to my grandmother yelling hysterically.
I was screaming for 10 seconds. Then Nana slapped me and told me she needed me to be strong because she couldn't go into his room again. Something slid into place and I just handled it. I called 911,checked his pulse. I took the shotgun out of his dead hands, I unloaded it, I put on the safety and put it on the floor. I led the police down the stairs and showed them the body. I remember feeling calm. Like everything was OK. Like he was there behind me walking me through each step.
I remember washing linens for the company and making sure we had pillows. I remember my Nana telling me thank you because she just couldn't have gone into that room again.
We never talked about it after that.
I have seen hundreds of dead bodies and seen thousands of medical emergencies and life threatening situations and I still snap into that calm. I just do what needs to be done.
Its the afterwards part that is becoming a problem and I wonder if it is something that more people suffer from than just myself.
We learn to self soothe from example. In times of great trauma in my family they threw their hands up in the air and argued until I handled the situation. As early as 9 years old I was soothing over arguments, helping a drunk mother drive a car, and calling the police on a fight between my brother and my drunken parent. While consoling my bereft grandmother.
I don't remember what happened after I fixed things. I just remember that after things got out of hand, I would fix things even in college if my Nana and my mother were fighting I would come home and soothe things over. Because I could remain calm and not rise to anyones bait.
Even now people throw tantrums and things get insane and people get hurt and I am detached and making a list of how to best smooth things over.
But after its over and everyone else feels better. I don't know what to do.
How does one self soothe if they were never taught how? How do you learn to let yourself when everyone around you is telling you to take care of them?
The immediately pragmatic list making, name taking and sensible side says get over it. You may never learn to self soothe, you may forever bite your nails, have ulcers, and insomnia but you will always be calm under pressure. Count your blessings.
Yet the other side of me thinks after a half life of taking care of everyone else, I can still learn new tricks. Yes, I can be absolutely rock solid and calm under pressure. Learning to self soothe doesn't mean I am going to weep if someone has a heart attack in front of me instead of starting CPR. It may just mean that later I may give myself permission to be a little shaken up. To need extra hugs from my fiance, or a call from a friend.
Perhaps I will never invent the magic pill, and I won't learn to "get over" the strong after currents that come with emotions. But maybe by taking some time to learn some positive self soothing I can be even better without one.
Things we didn't want to know.
In great sickness we find out who are friends are. here are friends who send e-mails. Then there are friends who follow around with a shop-vac.
In our worst hours there are friends who hold a mirror up to us and make us see our deep dark truth. In we either repay that kindness by facing that darkness and wrangling that dark passenger. Or we smash that mirror and turn our back on the friend who had the courage to call us on our bullshit.
In great sadness we find the person who knows that place you go to hide when you say you want to be alone, but you really shouldn't.
And again you will find the person you call with trembling hands, and weakest resolve who tells you quite honestly they just don't have the time for you right now.
It is both eye opening and heart wrenching the things that we find out when life decides to make things interesting for us.
There must be millions of dollars of research and man hours spent trying to find that one curative fix that would replace the healing effect of simple human kindness.
Thinking about the worst times in life, heart wrenched, broken, mind numb, body aching, mind all jumbled yet unable to focus on anything.
The urgency to be alone, yet the craving to be consoled.
The need to have someone say something to make everything make sense, and the wish that everyone would just stop talking.
Imagine if there was a pill, or a drink, or a patch. In your worst moment you pop it, slap it on, drop it under your tongue and suddenly your entire being is filled with the sense that everything really does happen for a reason and things really will work out and you are ok, and everything will be ok.
Suddenly you are calm, you can handle everything and you feel comforted and safe and assured that everything will be taken care of.
Someone would be a millionaire.
Part of me wonders if that is what alcoholics and drug addicts are seeking. However after questioning them as to how they feel when they do drugs they say it just makes them forget about how hard life is for a while.
But thats just it, what a poor drug or alcoholic I would be. I want something more. I already have a hard time remembering things and I need to remember things so that I know if they are working out.
I've tried a lot of things to reach this state of calm. Hypnotism,Meditation, Yoga, running, Martial Arts, Tai Chi, Fasting, even a sweat lodge ceremony.
Several times I have seen things I cannot explain. Several times I have felt closer to the earth and nature and closer in tune with my body.
Never have I felt that calm assurance that everything was going to be OK.
The reason I seek it out so diligently is that I am told that I appear to have it.
I am not a stranger to death. I saw my first animal corpse while hiking through the woods near my house. We came into a clearing and found a cat that had been nailed to a stump and gutted.
I had enough sense not to touch anything sent my friend back to call the police and stayed put.
I was the one who listened as the officers asked if anyone recognized the cat, saw any collars, or knew of anyone who hung out here a lot. I calmly told them about the neighbor who had three cats whose yard was adjacent, the kids who came down here to smoke who I'd seen the other night hanging out in the cemetery, and retraced our steps and showed them cigarette butts and shoe treads.
I felt angry about the cat because it was innocent. My friend threw up in the bushes and never spoke to me much after that.
A few years later my brother killed himself in our basement and I was the one who found him. I was 14. I remember waking up to my grandmother yelling hysterically.
I was screaming for 10 seconds. Then Nana slapped me and told me she needed me to be strong because she couldn't go into his room again. Something slid into place and I just handled it. I called 911,checked his pulse. I took the shotgun out of his dead hands, I unloaded it, I put on the safety and put it on the floor. I led the police down the stairs and showed them the body. I remember feeling calm. Like everything was OK. Like he was there behind me walking me through each step.
I remember washing linens for the company and making sure we had pillows. I remember my Nana telling me thank you because she just couldn't have gone into that room again.
We never talked about it after that.
I have seen hundreds of dead bodies and seen thousands of medical emergencies and life threatening situations and I still snap into that calm. I just do what needs to be done.
Its the afterwards part that is becoming a problem and I wonder if it is something that more people suffer from than just myself.
We learn to self soothe from example. In times of great trauma in my family they threw their hands up in the air and argued until I handled the situation. As early as 9 years old I was soothing over arguments, helping a drunk mother drive a car, and calling the police on a fight between my brother and my drunken parent. While consoling my bereft grandmother.
I don't remember what happened after I fixed things. I just remember that after things got out of hand, I would fix things even in college if my Nana and my mother were fighting I would come home and soothe things over. Because I could remain calm and not rise to anyones bait.
Even now people throw tantrums and things get insane and people get hurt and I am detached and making a list of how to best smooth things over.
But after its over and everyone else feels better. I don't know what to do.
How does one self soothe if they were never taught how? How do you learn to let yourself when everyone around you is telling you to take care of them?
The immediately pragmatic list making, name taking and sensible side says get over it. You may never learn to self soothe, you may forever bite your nails, have ulcers, and insomnia but you will always be calm under pressure. Count your blessings.
Yet the other side of me thinks after a half life of taking care of everyone else, I can still learn new tricks. Yes, I can be absolutely rock solid and calm under pressure. Learning to self soothe doesn't mean I am going to weep if someone has a heart attack in front of me instead of starting CPR. It may just mean that later I may give myself permission to be a little shaken up. To need extra hugs from my fiance, or a call from a friend.
Perhaps I will never invent the magic pill, and I won't learn to "get over" the strong after currents that come with emotions. But maybe by taking some time to learn some positive self soothing I can be even better without one.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tietze's syndrome
Finally an answer as to why I keep getting chronic chest pain. My doctor says it is also called Costocondritis and with patients like me who have Fibromyalgia and Syringomyelia it can occur for any reason.
He thinks mine was brought on because of infections in my bladder and sinuses. (Coughing, sneezing, and peeing a lot I guess?!)
He said it can take between a week to 6 months for it to go away.
I am back on prednisone and antibiotics and on a schedule of pain medication. I was able to sleep for a while last night in bed and today upright in my chair with a down comforter wrapped around my ribs.
I only woke when the dog nosed me in the gut to go outside.
Crash (fiance) wants to tape pillows around my ribs so he doesn't hit me in the ribs by accident again and make me wake up in tears!
He also got me a new buckwheat pillow for my neck it smells like lavender and works great on my neck.
KJ
He thinks mine was brought on because of infections in my bladder and sinuses. (Coughing, sneezing, and peeing a lot I guess?!)
He said it can take between a week to 6 months for it to go away.
I am back on prednisone and antibiotics and on a schedule of pain medication. I was able to sleep for a while last night in bed and today upright in my chair with a down comforter wrapped around my ribs.
I only woke when the dog nosed me in the gut to go outside.
Crash (fiance) wants to tape pillows around my ribs so he doesn't hit me in the ribs by accident again and make me wake up in tears!
He also got me a new buckwheat pillow for my neck it smells like lavender and works great on my neck.
KJ
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Mother Amy
OK. So after Amy Winehouse's complete debauchery and addiction some moron said "I know! I am going to have her be my child's Godparent and let her sign then to her label and mentor her!"
YES! Because what a roll model for a easily influenced 13 year old girl!
F.F.S.
KJ
YES! Because what a roll model for a easily influenced 13 year old girl!
F.F.S.
KJ
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Man Screw Cancer
My dad has Stage Two Lung Cancer
His Oncologist says he has about 98% chance of success in radiation successfully getting most of if all of the cancer but because it went undetected and spread to his brain he had a high chance of relapse.
His stats are:
3 and 5 year life expectancy if they can't remove all the cancer from his lungs or it metastasizes to his lymph nodes.
Distant metastasizes as first failure were noted in 38 patients (39%) with brain metastasizes....
This is important because my dad had a brain tumor removed.
If he relapses there is a 45.2 and 37.3% chance they can eradicate the cancer again. This time with only a fifteen (15.3%) percent success rate.
In laymen;s terms this means They can't operate so they have been radiating him. If radiation doesn't work, he has between 6 months to a year dependent on how long he can stand radiation and chemotherapy. Because his original tumor was found in his brain there is a higher chance that despite taking out the brain tumors and using radiation therapy on his lungs, that he will relapse.
If he relapses and the cancer comes back, his prognosis is even shorter.
Seriously, Fu*k cancer.
KJ
His Oncologist says he has about 98% chance of success in radiation successfully getting most of if all of the cancer but because it went undetected and spread to his brain he had a high chance of relapse.
His stats are:
3 and 5 year life expectancy if they can't remove all the cancer from his lungs or it metastasizes to his lymph nodes.
Distant metastasizes as first failure were noted in 38 patients (39%) with brain metastasizes....
This is important because my dad had a brain tumor removed.
If he relapses there is a 45.2 and 37.3% chance they can eradicate the cancer again. This time with only a fifteen (15.3%) percent success rate.
In laymen;s terms this means They can't operate so they have been radiating him. If radiation doesn't work, he has between 6 months to a year dependent on how long he can stand radiation and chemotherapy. Because his original tumor was found in his brain there is a higher chance that despite taking out the brain tumors and using radiation therapy on his lungs, that he will relapse.
If he relapses and the cancer comes back, his prognosis is even shorter.
Seriously, Fu*k cancer.
KJ
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Sunday, August 02, 2009
OK maybe there is hope for the human race
See we really can all join in harmony
P.S. I got to meet Bobby McFerrin The guy is just hella cool.
KJ
World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.
P.S. I got to meet Bobby McFerrin The guy is just hella cool.
KJ
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Kane Micheal, wounded baby
Kane was attacked by a third pit bill.
This one was ALSO off its leash.
This ones owner was also useless in helping separating the dogs.
He stood there watching us trying to separate the dogs waving his hands and calling for his dog over and over instead of just going and getting his dog like Crash and I were trying to do.
Kane had a muzzled leader on and in the fight somehow put his canine tooth through his front lip.
I got him upstairs, got the tooth out, stopped the bleeding and then closed the wound with vetbond after cleaning it with surgical scrub and hydrogen peroxide.
Kane was a trooper and only snapped in the air when I pulled his lip off his tooth and not at anyone just in the air because it hurt.
But since it was 9 PM on a sunday no vets were open and we had no where to take him.
I gave him 30 MG of Tramadol suspension I had left over from when I was in the hospital and His first dose of Cephalaxin.
I've been cleaning his mouth wound, giving him clean water and having him eat fish and eggs to make it easier to eat and to speed healing.
His wounds are pretty much closed up this morning. He came away pretty much unscathed except for the tooth.
The other dog had a snapped harness and not a scratch.
It was off its leash in a SCHOOL PARK wit a 5 foot by 3 foot hole in the fence.
This is the third time a pit bull off its leash has attacked Kane. Where as Kane who has been deemed an "aggresive dog" has never attacked another dog.
Look: here was my sweet boy just hours before his walk:
Then this morning when I had to clean his wound, bundled up in bed with mama after pain meds:
Here is an up close view of his mouth:
Poor guy, I hate jerks who don't keep their aggressive dogs on leashes! Mine wears a muzzle and NEVER goes off leash and has never GONE AFTER another dog. He is RE-ACTIVE not proactive. He doesn't go looking for fights like these dogs did.
KJ
This one was ALSO off its leash.
This ones owner was also useless in helping separating the dogs.
He stood there watching us trying to separate the dogs waving his hands and calling for his dog over and over instead of just going and getting his dog like Crash and I were trying to do.
Kane had a muzzled leader on and in the fight somehow put his canine tooth through his front lip.
I got him upstairs, got the tooth out, stopped the bleeding and then closed the wound with vetbond after cleaning it with surgical scrub and hydrogen peroxide.
Kane was a trooper and only snapped in the air when I pulled his lip off his tooth and not at anyone just in the air because it hurt.
But since it was 9 PM on a sunday no vets were open and we had no where to take him.
I gave him 30 MG of Tramadol suspension I had left over from when I was in the hospital and His first dose of Cephalaxin.
I've been cleaning his mouth wound, giving him clean water and having him eat fish and eggs to make it easier to eat and to speed healing.
His wounds are pretty much closed up this morning. He came away pretty much unscathed except for the tooth.
The other dog had a snapped harness and not a scratch.
It was off its leash in a SCHOOL PARK wit a 5 foot by 3 foot hole in the fence.
This is the third time a pit bull off its leash has attacked Kane. Where as Kane who has been deemed an "aggresive dog" has never attacked another dog.
Look: here was my sweet boy just hours before his walk:
Then this morning when I had to clean his wound, bundled up in bed with mama after pain meds:
Here is an up close view of his mouth:
Poor guy, I hate jerks who don't keep their aggressive dogs on leashes! Mine wears a muzzle and NEVER goes off leash and has never GONE AFTER another dog. He is RE-ACTIVE not proactive. He doesn't go looking for fights like these dogs did.
KJ
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