Saturday, March 26, 2016

High chronic

I'm awake at 4 am after being unable to sleep because my body was being a dick.  So I got up and decided a hot bath, good book and classical music would help.

I lay there with the scent of sea salt, pine and sage feeling the calendula oil softening my skin.  I was reading about tiny houses and a lady with congestive heart failure.  And I stared at my own hello kitty wrapped heart monitor that was buzzing endlessly alerting me that my heart was beating too fast for my body not to be moving.

I  ignored it because it along with every nurse that takes my vitals has alerted me my resting pulse is too high.  Then fell asleep.

I woke up to Beetovens 5th and a buzzy  on it or which I angrily chucked into a corner.

I drained the tub as the last of music faded and stood up.

Suddenly I was really hot and a mariachi band had taken residence in my chest and the guys were lit.

I slowly sank to the edge of the tub leaning my forehead against the cool ceramic.

"This isnt good for the engine! Its so hot you need to slow down" I reasoned with my heart.

I tried to stand and it promptly gave me the finger and I sank bare assed asked back to the edge of the tub.

I sat there, sucking air, fanning my face. wondering why we didn't have a's so hot...there should be fans in the bathroom.  I tried to fan myself again but more moving was not helping.

Not knowing get what else to do I said to  my geriatric who was watching impassive to my plight "Get help...we need an adult"

She stared dumbly and I tried to regroup.  I saw my heart rate monitor...mocking me...answer remember thinking "I promise I will keep you on if you don't let me die naked in my bathroom eaten by an old cat" 

Strapped on my monitor, no change.  But then suddenly I thought  "I have to put on clothes if I am going to die on the toilet" then slapped my ha do against the wall.

And then I slapped on the fan.  As the air cooled the sweat beaded on my back is could finally breathe. 

Slowly taking even breathes I put on my shirt, panted and fanned myself.  Then pants.   I must have sat in the bathroom for another 15 minutes, my heart monitor refused to stop buzzing but I stopped sweating.

Then stumbled to the fridge and CHUGGED a cold bottle of seltzer all the time internally chanting "Your heart has to slow down" as my monitor buzzed merrily on my wrist.

I was able to get to my bed and lie next to my cool mist humidifier  and finally felt my heart slow down ( postural tachycardia thy ass is grass!)

Safety lying in bed, monitor silent, wasps only a mild stinging down my back and legs. My bulldogs paws wrapped around me while he snored into my ear just like his dad making me laugh.

I'm documenting the fact that I found humor in what is a mild but daily issues of being chronically ill.  And I hope you can laugh too.  As I sit here listening to two male mammals making snores like cartoon characters, I think if I string enough stuff like this out I will be OK.

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