I work out.

Since beginning my "Increase strength and stamina" decision I have been working out at a gym 1-2 times a week, walking 2-3 times a week and biking most other 3-4 times a week.  I also try and mix it up by using the elliptical the treadmill, the ARC trainer, and the stair master device from hell.

I have also began eating breakfast and not eating after 6 PM unless I am starving.

Yesterday despite an emergency vet visit, work fuckery, and humidity induced pain and nausea I managed to bike for 80 minutes on my recumbent bike and then use the stair master escalator thing from Hades for 10 full minutes.  For me, that was HUGE.  I also managed to bench press the bar for 3 sets of 8 which is also huge.

My goal is to get back up to benching at least a hundred pounds, but I don't know if my doctor will approve it.  my body may poop out at 75 like it did when I first was diagnosed with my syrinx.

I need to join a gym.  I NEED to be able to go hit the gym when I want to murder someone, when I am stressed, when I am feeling fat.  Which pretty much sells the planet fitness gym to me because its open 24 hours.  THUS if I get off work at 10 PM and feel wired I can go and lift for a while before going home.  Or if I have a gap in my day and have the car I can go sneak in a workout.

I have a friend (actually there are three of them) who are trying to lose weight as well.  Despite working twice as hard, and working out more, having no surgery, insulin, or diet program to assist me means they are leaving me in the dark on weight loss.

The surgery friend can even eat sugar and is almost able to eat 2 cups of food at a time and lost over 100 pounds.  The diabetic friend gave up smoking and alcohol and is walking and has lost 50 pounds.  The diet program friend has lost 16 pounds like me, but has only been dieting since last month.

I am only losing about 2 pounds a week and there have been a few plateau weeks of NO weight loss.  I know to listen to my trainer friends who tell me "Keep eating 1200 calories and keep the workout and strength training up and it will happen"  I am even mixing it up,and pushing my self imposed limitations.  I can see that my body is changing, I just wish it was faster.

I have to come to accept that even if I manage to keep the workouts I will never be model thin, I will never look like Emme, or Kloe Kardashian.  I will always be hippy, I will always have a big butt, I will always have the "fertility doll" body.

I have to be happy that I will be stronger, leaner, and have more stamina the harder I work and accept the little victories.

Yesterday I bench pressed the bar, and leg pressed half my body weight.  Small victories, and I am happy with that.