I am a fiery person. I believe myself to be intelligent however there are a few triggers that when deployed open wide the flood gates that are my emotions and suddenly my mind is over run.
Animals, children, and the elderly. Basically anyone who is a vulnerable person or who takes great time and care of vulnerable persons who is under attack will activate my defense mechanisms faster than you can say "Houston we have a problem"
Yesterday I was lying in bed reading an article about Fran Lebowitz. An author and speaker whom I admire. She was speaking about how no one takes time to appreciate quality anymore, and no one shows courtesy or gratitude.
More importantly she said young writers and speakers will speak at great length to anyone who will listen about how they feel.
To put it simply it is what separated her from other authors and speakers, she didn't write how she felt, because she didn't want to know how we felt, she wanted to know what we thought, so she wrote what she thought.
It is what separated her as a great thinker.
In this time when everyone is in a mad rush to purchase the perfect gift. When it seems the entire focus of the holiday season has been completely lost to consumerism, it seems to this author the perfect time to think about quality and what truly matters.
I am grateful to continue to have a roof over my head, that my family is settles in their new lives. I am happy that my partner enjoys the colleagues at his job and that it pays enough, even if we have to scrape to get by.
I am excited to meet the newest family member due any day now and wonder if it will be a boy or a girl.
As for feelings? Well I feel a lot of things, but those are my own.
I know that this season only feels dreary for me because of my lack of employment. I am fully aware that any gifts we buy will be purchased with my partners money and none of my own.
With every twist of my brain I can't see any way around it, and I try to come at this point logically. In the end all I can come away with is that it is logical for one to feel beholden even if the circumstances are beyond their control.
So I will pick out all the gifts,decorate the house, budget for the new year, wrap everything up, and sign all the cards from the both of us and create a house bursting with holiday spirit.
This is our favorite holiday despite circumstances beyond our control. Its right we should shake as much happiness from it as we can.