So there are not a lot of people who read this blog. Which is good actually. More like a journal. I wanted to post this here not to complain or garner sympathy but to get it out of my head.
I have a pre-op MRI, then a pre-surgical consult for the end of this month. They are going to decide based on the damage in my neck what surgery would be best. They also want to look at doing the same surgery in my low back.
Since I knew back surgery was a something that I would have to get eventually I didn't get upset when they finally decided it was time. I am tired of having headaches 3 or more times a week. I am tired of not being able to stand in my own kitchen for more than an hour without my legs literally giving out on me. I am tired of not being able to go out with my friends because I don't know if I will get a headache and start puking, or have the nerve pain kick in and have me distracted from any fun because my hands and feet feel like they are on fire.
That said I am nervous about surgery. I know two people who have had it and said it changed their lives. However I have other people who have had it and said they wished they had just stayed on pain meds becaus there were serious complecations.
Being as I hate taking medication anyway and knowing that after surgery I could go from taking 20 pills a day to taking 5.
That alone is enough to make me want the surgery. Also I would be able to walk, and stand, so maybe I could WORK. I need to work, being in this house all day drives me crazy. On the plus side being unemployed has REALLY made me realize what is truly important and how materialistic I was when I was working three jobs. Now I look at all we have and think "we are so lucky ad blessed" things could ALWAYS be worse and have been. I will never be as much of a spoiled brat like I was 3 years ago.
So much physical, mental, and emotional pain and I came out the other side. I know there is nothing I can't do and know the type of person I want to be.