Monday, April 10, 2006

Hope Floats

No this is not an opinion article on Sandra Bullock in that horrible movie.
It is an article about poop. My sister recently told me all about the needed consistancy, duration, frequency, and after care of a bowel movement.

One of the things she told me that surprised me was that Poop is SUPPOSED to float.

So needless to say in my desire to move the perfect bowel I began to do exactly the same thing her colon therapist had told her to do.

Water, no caffiene, no wheat, no dairy (I'm already Vegan this isn't tough!) no white sugar...


No coffee...Oh hell. Yeah that was REALLY tough.

So I'd hover over the toilet and do my bidding and take a gander.

It started a quaint little conversation with my partner Chris "Any floaters hun?"

"No" I'd sigh.

Then this afternoon with my hands clutched to my chest and peering into the bowl I saw my long awaited award.

Floating poop.

All that hope welled up and floats. I felt like a kid who just got potty trained.

So for those of you out there who are seekers of the professional poop. Take heed if it don't float, its a flush.

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